Creative Writing Update

I mentioned in my return to blogging that I wanted to make more time for creative writing. I’ve already started to do that and I wanted to bring you along on the journey with me.

This is a very nerve-wracking thing to share, so please forgive me that I will keep some details private, but I will share as much as I feel comfortable doing so and in a way which I hope will inspire me to continue making this space for myself.

I’m about to massively contradict myself because I’ve said something similar before. In December 2020 I shared this post to my School of Holly blog about the book I hoped to write (I will be drawing some points into this post but the original goes into detail on how I came to the idea for the story and some details around themes I’m looking at).

I said in that post that I hoped the act of sharing it there would keep me going with the project. From that moment until last week I made no progress whatsoever with it.

Absolutely none.

Two and a half years later, I am picking up where I left off.

“I will say that I have now finished the planning stages of the story – I have my timeline, character bios and chapter by chapter plans and hope to start writing soon.”

Fortunately for me, my planning work was impeccable. I have been able to dive into the writing of the book with no trouble because the notes and details I set out are so clear and detailed. I literally all but wrote the book.

So why didn’t I just crack on and write it if I put so much effort into it?

I have a theory that I’d like to share with you.

Earlier in this post I mentioned how nerve-wracking it is to share a project like this with the world. It’s like a kind of stage fright, or imposter syndrome. It fully takes hold of me and tells me that I’m not good enough to do this, no-one will care or want to read it - or worse they’ll laugh and tell me how rubbish it is.

It’s fine when it’s a learning log/blog. If the writing isn’t great it doesn’t matter too much because it’s just an informal thing that I enjoy doing. Same with the work I share on YouTube, I’m very upfront about wanting to experiment and play so it doesn’t matter too much if the results of my art aren’t amazing, it’s all a learning journey.

With the art I sell, and also with my creative writing pursuits, there’s this heavier weight that’s attached. More of my soul and hard work is going into it and that means negative feedback is that much harder to take. With art sales, I’m having to fight through my aversion to self-promotion and put myself out there but it’s so difficult for me.

Back in 2020/2021 when I’d gotten through my planning stages, I think the stage-fright put me off carrying on with the book. I told myself I was too busy to write it, I genuinely did start to take on more and more projects but I think largely it was an excuse - I made myself so busy that I couldn’t possibly set aside time to write a novel (or novella, I’m not sure quite how many words this thing will be yet).

And then in January 2022 Philip Brookman left a comment on that original post, asking whether I ever finished the project and whether I would share it. Brookman’s book Redlands was a large part of the inspiration behind my own project (I wrote a review of it for 35mmc here) and I felt flabbergasted that he had found me and ashamed that I hadn’t made any progress. At the time I was deep in publication mode for Photography Through The Pandemic so I still didn’t pick it back up but Brookman’s comment has stuck with me and niggled at me.

Not only have I decided to make space for writing but I’ve also decided to make use of the fact that I am attending a prestigious creative writing university and take a creative module this year. Hopefully an extra nudge to create and feel less afraid of sharing.

Progress

After I shared the post, saying that I would be prioritising time to write, Carina from A Story of Sorts, a friend of mine who also loves writing and books asked our writing group (which, I hate to admit, I have never participated in) if we wanted to do a writing session that weekend (last weekend at the time of drafting this post) and so I leapt at the chance. I eased myself in with an hours session and surprised myself with how easy it was to write this thing.

As I said, the planning was impeccable.

I’ve since managed another hour. It’s not much but I’m a few thousand words into this first draft and it no longer feels so scary. I’ve been gearing up for Lifeboat Day so haven’t had much free time, but once that’s passed hopefully I’ll be committing a few more hours each week during my summer break from University to this project and will see some real progress.

I know that first drafts usually require a lot of reworking, and I know for certain mine will. All the advice I’ve received suggests getting everything down on the page, DO NOT EDIT AS YOU GO. So I’m just writing without checking what I’ve written, simply making sure that the storyline and the details are there. If I’ve had a thought about an improvement that I want to make but I’m not yet sure how to make it (i.e. in draft one) I’ve left a comment about why I want to change it but that’s as far as it goes.

Anything else?

I have a few ideas for other stories I’d like to write, including a collection that’s going to require an awful lot of research. But that’s for another post!

I’m also experimenting more with poetry so you may see some of that from me in the future… if I can get past that stage-fright and share it that is!

So here we are. I’ll keep sharing updates from across my creative writing projects, I hope you enjoy them!